Donna had attended a seminar I gave and had also seen a live on-site demonstration of the Stored Feeling Reintegration process.
Looking at Donna you could tell she was really feeling down. I asked her how she was doing and she said it had been a struggle for a while now. She said she was depressed. She also said she was worried that she would not be able to “do” the process. I said that I thought she would do very well.
I asked her, “What are you feeling right now?” and she said she felt like she wasn’t enough. She began giving me examples of times when she felt she was on the losing end of what ever she tried. Although she had been very active in the previous church she attended, she didn’t feel like she was able to do a good enough job with her involvements there; even when others told he she did a good job.
I asked her, “When have you had this same feeling when you were a teenager?” She told me of a time when she and a friend were trying to join another group of girls. Donna’s friend told her that Donna was not liked by the other girls and they didn’t want to be friends with her.
I asked her, “When as a young child did you have this same feeling?” Suddenly the expression on her face changed. Her eyes opened wide with a look of surprise, as if she was now becoming aware of a memory she had not entertained in a long time. She described an incident when a friend of Donna’s had criticized her mother and Donna did not defend her mother. Her mother was very upset, left the house, took the car, and was gone from the house for a long time. Eventually Donna went to bed, but this was before her mother returned. Her father came into the room still worried about her mother’s absence. He knelt at the foot of her bed sobbing because he was concerned that her mother was not OK.
Donna said her feelings were that if her mom was hurt, it was her fault because she had not stood up for her mother when the friend had criticized her. Donna was concern that if something happened to her mother, she would not be able to take care of the family.
It was apparent to me this was the Originating Incident that created the Concluding Message of not being enough to take care of her family.
After some discussion I asked Donna how she felt. There was still a lot of emotional energy in her body and I explained that it would take time for the emotional energy to subside. We talked some more which gave her body extra time to quiet down.
When Donna left she told me that she wasn’t sure the process had any effect, but shortly thereafter she began to realize she was entertaining thoughts that were not the norm. She said that she usually lets her hair guy do whatever he wants to do with her hair because he’s the expert; but she realized there was something she wanted him to do and she is going to bring it up to him because, as she said, “My opinion matters.”
When she took her grandchildren to the store she allowed each of them to have their own cart to shop. This was very much out of the norm for her. In the past she would be too concerned about what other people might think of her if her grandchildren didn’t behave in a controlled way. This became a fun outing with them and for them.
Now Donna says she is much more willing to try things that she is not sure she will succeed at. She said it doesn’t seem nearly as important to her that she looks like she’s in control of every situation. She is looking forward to becoming more involved in her current church without carrying the burden of feeling like she has to do such a good job. It’s a virtue to want to always do a good job in any endeavor, but the emotional anchor of feeling you are not enough limits your possibilities and choices.
She expressed how pervasive this change has been for her and how freeing it has become. The feeling of not being enough has been a struggle for years and she has been fighting it without success, no matter how many self-help books she has read. Donna said that before the Stored Feeling Reintegration process she knew that feeling she wasn’t enough wasn’t a rational feeling to have. She had tried to get rid of it by telling herself it wasn’t a logical feeling, and she should try to do things whether she felt that way or not. Now the thoughts of not being enough are gone.
I checked in with Donna a month after our session, asking her how she was doing. Her reply was she was doing OK. “I’m still enjoying my freedom.” She clearly understands the difference between trying to manage disruptive feelings and going through the Stored Feeling Reintegration process to eliminate them.
To learn more about the Stored Feelings Reintegration process visit http://www.StoredFeelings.com.
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